Jim Hightower

American politics has become a cold blooded, almost diabolical exercise -- with the candidates' strings pulled by spin doctors, image consultants and other "handlers-from-Hell" -- all of whom are well-practiced in the manipulative arts.

This is spooky enough . . . but now comes a big-time Republican Presidential candidate who literally is taking campaign advice from [echo]: Beyond the Grave. The candidate: ["Dole Theme"] Senator Bob Dole.

No wonder Bob appears so . . . well, so Doleful all the time. Guess who he's been turning to for strategic guidance? RICHARD NIXON [screams, moans]. Yes, that dark, brooding, mean, conniving, infernal, Mephistophelian spirit-of-Watergate himself.

In an astonishing confession of "devil worship," Senator Dole recently confided to the Los Angeles Times that he's been re-reading some letters that "Tricky Dick" sent to him -- presumably sent before Nixon died, though there is a school of thought that Nixon, like Dracula, still can be seen on dark, moonless nights [wolf howl] stalking the land for souls to win.

In his letters, this disgraced ex-Presidential Prince of Darkness tells candidate Bob: "Being tough with a smile is the best posture for you. You have to run as far as you can to the right, because that's where 40-percent of the people who decide the [Republican] nomination are."

Then, the devilish deceiver advises: "To get elected, you have to run as fast as you can back to the middle, because only about 4-percent of the nation's voters are on the extreme right-wing."

This is Jim Hightower saying . . . So when you see Bob Dole slip-sliding over to the far right, then later turn around and try to play to the middle, remember: It's Richard Nixon talking [ghoulish laughter].